Disambiguation

Huh? What? Where?

2007-05-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

I pretty much let this blog fall of the face of the earth. For awhile my interests changed, we left the church we'd belonged to that provided so much fodder for writing, and things quietly settled down.

For whatever reason I now find myself wanting to write more so I'm returning to my blog. Two things to note: I've found I like (and am more familiar with) Wordpress so I'll be using them and I never likd that someone else had the disambiguation.blogspot URL tied up and I had to shorten mine to "disambig". I always felt like the red-headed step-child in the disambiguation family.

So I've moved this thing over to http://disambiguation.wordpress.com/ and this will definitely be my last post here. See ya!

Intelligent Design gets federal smackdown

2005-12-20T11:10:00.000-08:00

In heartwarming news a federal judge has ruled that Intelligent Design violates the Constitution.

You can also read about the decision at the National Center for Science Education's website here.

Here are some highlights from the decision:

In making this determination, we have addressed the seminal question of whether ID is science. We have concluded that it is not, and moreover that ID cannot uncouple itself from its creationist, and thus religious, antecedents.
Both Defendants and many of the leading proponents of ID make a bedrock assumption which is utterly false. Their presupposition is that evolutionary theory is antithetical to a belief in the existence of a supreme being and to religion in general. Repeatedly in this trial, Plaintiffs’ scientific experts testified that the theory of evolution represents good science, is overwhelmingly accepted by the scientific community, and that it in no way conflicts with, nor does it deny, the existence of a divine creator.

The citizens of the Dover area were poorly served by the members of the Board who voted for the ID Policy. It is ironic that several of these individuals, who so staunchly and proudly touted their religious convictions in public, would time and again lie to cover their tracks and disguise the real purpose behind the ID Policy.

Those who disagree with our holding will likely mark it as the product of an activist judge. If so, they will have erred as this is manifestly not an activist Court. Rather, this case came to us as the result of the activism of an ill-informed faction on a school board, aided by a national public interest law firm eager to find a constitutional test case on ID, who in combination drove the Board to adopt an imprudent and ultimately unconstitutional policy. The breathtaking inanity of the Board’s decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop which has now been fully revealed through this trial. The students, parents, and teachers of the Dover Area School District deserved better than to be dragged into this legal maelstrom, with its resulting utter waste of monetary and personal resources.

This is good news for science in general and also for those of us who see no contradiction between evolutionary explanations and our faith.

The Church-ization of Narnia

2005-12-04T21:12:00.000-08:00

We had something unusual happen at church this weekend. As we walked in and took our kids to the children's depot we saw on one of the monitors that they have in the hallway what looked like a picture of a lion. I couldn't get a good look and our kids were running down the hallway and in danger of knocking old people over so I forgot about it for a bit. When we got them dropped off and entered the auditorium we were handed our usual Sunday bulletin. It's always a pretty snazzy deal, full color and high quality paper. There on the front was the lion again.

"No it can't be..." I began thinking with a dismayed feeling and then I saw the words printed right below our church's name on the bulletin: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe." Sure enough our church had an advertisement for the Narnia movie on the front of our bulletin.

We get into the service and there it is again on the big screen: Aslan the lion and several kids with swords forming a border around the screen while our church posted instructions in the center of the screen for people to please have a seat.

That wasn't all of course. No we had to have a skit with a young girl running down the aisle, up the stairs and onto the stage where a giant makeshift wardrobe stood and she opened it and walked inside. Then our minister preached his whole sermon on the movie and how it was clearly a "Christian movie" and a possible "evangelism tool" and how our church would be purchasing tickets and we could all go together.

The strangest thing was during communion. Up on the big screen was Aslan the lion and the kids with swords again and in the center of the screen was the message to please help ourselves to communion as it was passed down the aisle. Except in my mind it read "Communion tonight is brought to you by The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. A Walt Disney production coming to theaters December 9, 2005."

The whole thing struck me wrong. I've read a great deal of C.S. Lewis' writings and I can't imagine he'd be pleased with what's been done to his story. I do want to see the movie and I suspect I'll take my children but afterward I'm going to go on Christian Blackout so I don't have to have it beat into my head how "Aslan is Jesus!! He really is!! He's Jesus!!!! Don't you see it??"

Racial Matters Pt. 5: After

2005-11-30T20:20:00.000-08:00

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is an interesting condition. It's best described as a pathological response to trauma, the brain's faulty way of dealing with something it wasn't meant to deal with. When someone develops PTSD they frequently re-experience the traumatic event through flashbacks and nightmares. They generalize their trauma to the rest of life with the result that normal situations feel unsafe.

I didn't know what to call it then but I felt scared by all black people. I sincerely believed that black people as a whole had something against me and sought to do harm to me. It seemed logical to my young mind. When I'd walk down a hallway at school and a group of three or four black guys would approach I'd begin to tense inwardly. As they grew closer I'd want to shrink into the walls, make myself invisible. When they'd pass me by I'd feel a sense of reprieve. I'd escaped this time. This time. But there would be a next time. And another time after that. It was only a matter of time before I was assaulted by black people again.

I spent most of my Junior High avoiding black people. My initial hate had faded and what was left was fear. I didn't want to go through another experience like that again.

If I had grown up around white supremacists I think the hate could have easily returned. But it didn't. And I guess I moved on in some ways. After awhile my fears weakened but never quite went away. I still am subject to the occasional nightmare, to the fear of going down a dark alley and meeting one or more assailants. And in my mind they are always black. Always. I know intellectually that whites commit crime but in my mind - in the back of my mind where the fears lie - I struggle with the thought that criminals are black.

I go out of my way to make sure that my irrational, traumatic fears don't get passed on to my children. They've had black friends and I've been okay with that. I'm nothing but friendly to my coworkers who are black. I've even embarked on a journey to find hip-hop that I like. I'm not completely colorblind but I've certainly made some progress. Part of growing up in a household filled with prejudice is that when my teenage rebellion began, it moved me away from my parents' racist views. I'm still moving.

I only saw Tony, the one who spoke to me while he took my watch, once more after the meeting in the pricipal's office. I knew he'd been suspended and I assumed also expelled. But about a year later I was at a football game and I saw him on the sidelines with some friends. They were all obviously older and I suppose had been held back in school. They were smoking and laughing and I looked closely at Tony and could make out that his t-shirt had a picture of a cat trapped inside a bottle. The caption on his shirt said "Happiness is a tight pussy." For some reason I was fascinated by him while also feeling terrified of him. I'm sure he saw me walking by looking at him but I also don't think he really saw me. I don't think he had any recollection of me at all.

I still think about him. I wonder where he is, what he's doing. Now that I'm older and wiser I feel sorry for him. Perhaps he came from a painful family background. Maybe he came from a loving family and maybe he just fell in with the wrong crowd and made bad choices. Perhaps he's living happily somewhere raising a family and working hard at his job. Perhaps he's in jail. He might even be dead. I hope not. I really hope he has the chance to experience the love of Jesus in this life and the next. I don't bear him any ill will. I even think I might be able to forgive him if I ever saw him again.

A minor change

2005-11-14T08:32:00.000-08:00

The old subtitle for this blog was "Clarity for the Confused. Confusion for the Clarified." I never liked that as it always sounded rather pompous. And it was Unnecessarily Capitalized. Truth be told I am subject to both confusion and clarity at various times and I have little to offer except for my occasional random thoughts.

So it's gone. If you've come here Confused and seek Clarity I'm sorry. If you've come here Clarified well I may still be able to offer you some Confusion. We'll see.

Racial Matters Pt. 4: The Watch

2005-11-13T06:44:00.000-08:00

The summer before I entered Junior High I received a Timex watch for my birthday. It wasn't one of the really cool digital ones but it was a Timex. This was back when the famous Timex commercials were airing and they featured such things as an elephant eating a Timex watch, digesting it, crapping it out and a promoter picking it up, listening to it and proclaiming "It takes a licking and keeps on ticking!" Okay maybe my memory of that commercial isn't quite accurate but I remember just about everything else about my seventh grade year quite clearly.

Before school we'd all have to wait outside until the bell rang and they opened the school doors. As it got colder they would open the outer doors and let us wait in the entryway between the outer and inner doors. One morning around this time of year it was quite cold and I'd gotten to school early so I was waiting between the two sets of doors. My friends weren't there for some reason so I was waiting by myself. My junior high school was on the edge of my town but was very near a "black town" as my parents put it. The kids from that "black town" were in my school district so my junior high was pretty racially integrated. Which is why it wasn't surprising for me to find myself in a crowd of black and white students crowding into the entryway to keep warm.

I was standing against the wall and I remember looking up and seeing that some of the students had cleared away from me and I saw two black guys approach me. I felt a strange sense of disconnect happen inside as I watched them walk up to me. One was taller than the other and had facial hair. The shorter one was still a good 6 inches taller than me. They both seemed so much older and more grown up than me. I later found out that the shorter guy was named Tony and for some reason I never found out the taller guys' name. Tall Guy walked up to me and grabbed me by the jacket and Tony pressed right up against me. His breath stank. He said in a low voice "I want your watch. If you don't give it to me he's going to beat the shit out of you."

I looked from one to the other and my first thought was that this was a joke. They weren't serious and any moment they would smile and start laughing at how scared I was. And I was scared. Terrified. I had never been in a serious fight before and I really thought these two could hurt me if they wanted to.

"Sure. It's yours." I held up my wrist and Tony began to remove my watch, staring into my eyes the whole time. He never said another word as he took my watch off, put it into his jacket pocket and then he and Tall Guy walked outside. When were they going to start laughing and give me back my watch?

For some reason I'll never understand I followed them outside. I really think I was expecting them to hand back my watch. As I got outside I realized that I'd walked into a group of black students. I guess Tony and Tall Guy had told them what they'd done or maybe they'd seen it. Either way they seemed offended that I'd come outside and one of them pushed me. I don't even know if it was a girl or boy who pushed me first. Then someone else pushed me. Then someone else. Then someone else.

I'm not sure what happened inside me that day. I looked around me at the group of angry black kids. I could still feel the place on my wrist where my watch should be but wasn't. I felt wrong somehow.

I honestly don't know how long I was outside being pushed around. It seemed like an hour but it was probably less than a minute. One of the teachers either saw what had happened or was told what had happened and she came outside and stopped the pushing. She took me in while holding my hand. I felt like I was six years old. I was ashamed at what had happened. Some of my friends were there and they were asking me if my watch was really stolen and why I didn't kick those two guys' asses. I felt stupid and embarrassed.

The teacher asked me what happened and I told her that my watch had been stolen by two black guys. She asked me to describe the watch and asked me if I was hurt. I wasn't hurt I told her. I was okay. She smiled and sent me off to class.

An hour later I was summoned to the principal's office. I had never been to the principal's office before so I knew it must have something to do with this morning. I walked in terrified that I was in trouble somehow. When I entered his office I saw the principal, Tony and Tall Guy sitting down and the principal asked me to sit down also. My principal was black also and he watched me closely as I sat down. Tony and Tall Guy didn't look at me at all. The principal looked at me and asked me if my watch had been stolen that morning. "Yes" I replied. He then asked me "Are these two the ones who took your watch?"

I knew the principal knew. I'm not sure why he even asked me. I remembered my mom telling me once how black people stuck together and weren't afraid to get revenge on someone. I remembered the group of people pushing me after Tony and Tall Guy stole my watch. I told the principal that I couldn't see who took my watch because of the crowd but I was sure it wasn't these two.

Tony smiled at me. I had this weird idea that he wanted to be my friend and part of me wanted to be his friend so nothing like this could ever happen again. I was scared of him and his power. And I also hated him. I hated him for taking my watch. I hated him for being the one to speak to me while Tall Guy stood there. I hated him for being black. I hated Tall Guy for being black. I hated the group who pushed me for being black. And I hated black people for being thieves and for being violent to me when I'd never done anything to them.

Racial matters Pt. 3

2005-09-23T04:29:00.000-07:00

Some random thoughts today.

I've always been tall. This would seem to make me a natural basketball player except for the fact that I'm horribly uncoordinated and can't dribble a ball to save my life. Nevertheless for two years in middle school I tried to play basketball for the local YMCA league. The first year our team did pretty horrible. I think we won maybe one or two games. I actually scored a basket once but more often than not I was there to act as a traffic stop for the little guys on the other team.

I noticed sometime during the second or third game that probably half of our team was black. It didn't bother me but I could tell it was a concern for my parents. We finished the season and I brought up playing again. My parents didn't discourage me playing the next season but they didn't encourage it either. I wanted to play so they signed me up.

The next season I was the only white kid on my team. My parents were perplexed and worried by this. They'd make fun of me and the situation by calling me "The White Shadow" after a TV show that was on at the time. When they'd go to games they'd sit off by themselves at the top of the bleachers. At least they were pretty easy to spot in the crowd. Mom eventually stopped coming to my games leaving dad to bring me. I could tell that he was coming for me but he obviously felt uncomfortable. My dad was not an outgoing person but he seemed even more isolated at the games. I didn't even think about asking to play again next season. I knew what the answer would be. Instead I went back to soccer where I actually had some talent and where a lot of the kids were Catholic and, therefore, mostly white.

When I was a teenager The Cosby Show was very popular. Kids at school were talking about it and how funny it was. I'd never seen it and I wanted to watch it. After supper one night I turned it on in the living room and watched about 10 minutes of it. It was funny of course and my parents heard me laughing. My mom came in from the kitchen and asked me what I was watching. When she saw what was on TV I could see the look on her face change. I'll never forget what she said next. "That's a show for black people Paul. We don't watch those shows. We watch shows about our own kind." And she turned it off.

My parents occasionally had arguments with the neighbors over parking. It didn't happen all the time but it was a fairly consistent feature of my childhood and adolescence. One time in particular I remember the neighbor had parked in a way that made it difficult for us to back out of our driveway. My dad went over and had words with them. When he came back he was angrier than I had ever seen him. My mom asked him what happened. My dad replied "I told them that if they ever did that again I'd put this house on the market and sell it to a nigger!"

How do children respond when they grow up in an environment like this? I'm sure many identify with the racism. It is coming from their parents after all and parents are supposed to be our role models. But I did not identify with it - I found myself increasingly uncomfortable with my parents' attitudes about race.

This would all be tested when I entered Junior High.

Racial matters Pt. 2

2005-09-15T04:58:00.000-07:00

In fourth grade my family recieved the news that our school system was desegregating. This meant that I was not going to be going to our neighborhood grade school anymore but was going to be "bussed" instead to a school in a nearby town that was "all black". At least that's how my parents portrayed it. In reality the school was probably about 50% black and 50% white but to my parents that was close enough to be "all black". My parents were scared and angry.

Bussing almost caused our family to move out of St. Louis County entirely. I began hearing things about small towns an hour or so away from us that "still had good schools". I was terrified. All I knew was that bussing was a bad thing and that I was heading into a danger zone. But I also didn't want to leave my friends and neighborhood behind.

Looking back I can empathize with my parents a little bit. They had the expectation that my schooling would follow the same path as my older brother. I would go to the neighborhood grade school till 6th grade, then the Junior High, then the High School. Part of why our family moved to the area was so that we could go to the neighborhood grade school. They didn't want us to be sent to another school, much less one in a different city and certainly not one that was "all black".

I clearly remember the first day of the new school. I walked into the building the first time feeling small and wary. It was a middle school which meant there were only 5th and 6th graders and there were a lot of kids milling around. I honestly expected to be the only white kid there surrounded by a sea of blackness. I quickly realized how wrong that was when I began to see the familiar faces of some of my friends. Yes there were a lot of black kids there and I wasn't quite sure how to relate to them. On the surface they seemed okay but who knows what they were really like?

I expected there to be fighting every day at middle school. I expected to be personally threatened. I expected some unspecified bad thing to happen. My parents would quiz me after school. Did anyone get hurt? Did anyone threaten me? Just how many of the kids in my class were black and how many were white? What about the teachers? Were they black? I actually only had one black teacher (my gym teacher) and he was a 7 foot tall former basketball player and was one of the nicer men I have ever met.

Looking back it was a very good educational and social opportunity. I made black friends for the first time. Not many but I did get to know some pretty well. They seemed nice. They talked a little different than me and liked different music. Other than that it was a pretty uneventful two years.

Even many years later my parents would talk about how I "got bussed" and what a bad thing that was. I know it was supposed to be a bad thing but I couldn't help liking my middle school. For the first time I began to distance myself from my parents' views and question them.

Racial matters Pt. 1

2005-09-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

I grew up in St. Louis County during the 70's. My parents were older and had been raised during the depression in downtown St. Louis. These two facts shaped a lot of how I came to think about race.

My parents were basically racist. They never attended Klan rallies. They never said an unkind word in front of a black person. But they were certainly racist. So were their friends and coworkers. And neighbors. You see we lived in a white neighborhood - I don't ever remember seeing any black kids at my grade school. My parents had moved out of the city along with everyone else to live in the suburbs. Was it to get away from the increasing numbers of blacks living downtown? I don't know but I'm sure that was at least partially the reason.

Sometime in fourth grade I began to be aware of changes that were happening in our area of St. Louis County. I'd hear my parents and their friends talking about the fact that there were neighborhoods near us that were "going black". This was a huge deal for my parents because we'd just moved to a new house 5 years prior to this and now they were faced with the possibility that our neighborhood could also "go black".

I didn't know what this meant - this going black. But it was clear to me that it was going to be a bad thing. I began hearing phrases like "property values going down" and "taking over" and "pretty soon you won't even be able to walk down your own street". Needless to say I began to get scared.

I've been thinking about racism lately

2005-09-09T07:44:00.000-07:00

I've been preoccupied lately with the tragedies surrounding hurricane Katrina. In keeping with the themes of my recent (and not-so-recent) posts I could spend blogging time talking about the Christian response to Katrina. There's been both good and bad responses from Christians but that really hasn't been on my mind much. Instead I've been thinking a lot about racism.

I have several things I need to sort out in my head about racism. I intend to do the majority of that here so you can look forward to a couple semi-incoherent, rambling posts on the subject in the next week or two.

Pat Robertson the Terminator

2005-08-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

File this under "Embarrassed To Be A Christian".

Apparently Pat Robertson is calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Media Matters transcribed the broadcast yesterday:

ROBERTSON: There was a popular coup that overthrew him [Chavez]. And what did the United States State Department do about it? Virtually nothing. And as a result, within about 48 hours that coup was broken; Chavez was back in power, but we had a chance to move in. He has destroyed the Venezuelan economy, and he's going to make that a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism all over the continent.
You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don't think any oil shipments will stop. But this man is a terrific danger and the United ... This is in our sphere of influence, so we can't let this happen. We have the Monroe Doctrine, we have other doctrines that we have announced. And without question, this is a dangerous enemy to our south, controlling a huge pool of oil, that could hurt us very badly. We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.

Isn't that nice? It seems Robertson's Bible reads quite differently than mine. Let's pool our funds and buy him a WWJA? (Who Would Jesus Assassinate?) bracelet.

You should really read "porn star"

2005-08-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

A thoughtful reader directed me to this post by Natala on her blog. It deals with friendship, compassion and how we represent ourselves as Christians to unbelievers. It's lengthy and riveting and made me tearful.

You should read about the porn star too.

The Sinner's Prayer - children's version?

2005-08-08T22:32:00.000-07:00

I mentioned earlier that I helped out with Vacation Bible School at church this week. While the overall experience was positive there was one very surreal and disturbing moment toward the end of the week.

Toward the end of the evening the children's pastor had everyone sit down and get very quiet. Which is not easy in a room full of 300+ young children but they did reasonably well. He then began explaining in simple terms that we were all sinners and that Christ died for us. That all we needed to do was to ask him to come in to our hearts and we could go to heaven. Then I heard the command: I want all heads bowed and all eyes closed.

From years and years of sitting in fundamentalist churches, revivals and rally meetings I recognized those words. Instantly I felt a strange creeping sensation inside of me. He's not going to lead these children in the Sinner's Prayer is he? Sure enough he began reciting the lines and having the children repeat the prayer in their hearts. When he was done he encouraged the children to talk to their leaders about "the very important decision you made tonight to follow Christ." None of the children in my group approached me - they'd moved on to a discussion of which Power Rangers show is the best.

Call me strange and old-fashioned but I'm not sure what the point was in leading young children in the Sinner's Prayer. Did they really understand it? Are they prepared to leave all and take up their cross and follow Jesus? Do they even know what it means to be a sinner in need of forgiveness? Maybe yes but I remember how I was at that age and I certainly had no clue.

This smacks again of cheap evangelism. Of "fire insurance" as we used to call it - getting someone "saved" as a way of simply preventing them from going to hell. Of emotionally manipulating someone (in this case rather small and impressionable someones) into making a decision without them being fully aware of what choices they are making. Is this truly the path Jesus wanted us to follow? Is this the way to bring young people into God's kingdom?

Up to my armpits in 3rd graders

2005-08-03T09:32:00.000-07:00

I've been late getting my post out this week. The reason? I'm up to my armpits in 3rd graders. This week is Vacation Bible School at our church. I'm in charge of six 8 year-old boys and have been staying very busy most every evening. The week before VBS I'm filled with dread. I complain that I like my children and dislike everyone else's. And then I get into the middle of it and find that I'm having a great time and genuinely like the children. Once my brain recovers I'll have some quasi-intelligent things to say.

And a quick follow-up to my previous post on Promise Keepers. The event has come and gone and I did not attend. While I'm sure it would have provided near-endless material for me to blog grumpily about, I decided in the end that it would be best to sit it out.

They're already asking men to commit to going next year. *sigh*

The unsent letter

2005-07-25T06:59:00.000-07:00

There are events in our lives that mark a turning point - our life goes in a different direction afterward. Often we realize the importance as the event is happening but occasionally it doesn't become clear to us until much, much later. This story falls into the second category.

The first weeks of my freshman year of college were bewildering and unsettling for me. I was overwhelmed by the activity around me, I was homesick and I was overwhelmed by the internal pressure I felt to change the world. In my narcissistic head I believed college was my field to cultivate and I was prepared. Sometime in those first weeks I was flipping through the student newspaper when I saw an advertisement for Planned Parenthood. That was the first domino to fall.

I began composing a letter to the paper. I no longer have a copy of it but it was full of fire, passion and conviction. I railed against Planned Parenthood as an "abortion mill." I bemoaned the loss of so many unborn babies. And I implored the paper to stop accepting advertisements from such a sinful organization. And I sent it fully believing I was doing the Lord's work.

You see, at that time you could have found me squarely at the crossroads of self-importance and fundamentalism. It had been drilled into me during the later part of high school that if someone I knew went to hell it was because I let them down. If there were babies being murdered and I didn't do anything about it then I was a participant in the crime. I would listen to the lyrics of Baby Doe by Steve Taylor and cry as I realized that I did bear the blame and I did share the shame. It was up to me to do something about it.

So I sent the letter fully expecting that the paper would read it, the Planned Parenthood ads would be pulled and I could move on to my next conquest. I was unprepared when they published the letter.

In retrospect I can't imagine why they wouldn't have published it. The writings of a religious whack-job certainly had entertainment value. Suddenly my name was known everywhere on campus. I was recognized as an uncompromising crusader for righteousness. Everyone I passed who looked at me knew who I was. They might not have liked me or what I stood for but by God they knew who I was.

Actually that was all in my imagination. I wanted it to be true but I suspect most people forgot about the letter if they read it at all. But in the next issue there were two responses to the letter - one from a Planned Parenthood representative and one from a professor. Both debunked my letter's assertions calmly and reasonably. I didn't mind. Someone really did notice my letter and I was itching for a fight. I would respond publicly in the paper with my magnum opus and demolish the strongholds of evil in my college town once and for all.

I began writing my follow-up letter. I was intoxicated with the sense of power. I would spend hours in the library researching Planned Parenthood, abortion procedures and crafting my words carefully. I would imagine the accolades I would receive from fellow Christians when they realized what I had accomplished. Several days later I had finished my masterpiece and I was prepared to unleash it on the world.

I never sent it.

For weeks afterward I was disappointed in myself. I had a chance to do something great and I let it slip away. I initially attributed this to cowardice and tried to mentally move on to something else. But over time it became clearer and clearer to me that my little crusade was not holy. I realized it really had little to do with God and mostly served as a way to maintain my inflated ego. I quietly burned the unsent letter and went on with my life. Once in the library I gave my name to the lady behind the counter and she responded "Oh so you're the infamous one?" I mumbled something and left as soon as possible. Other than that I tried to forget about the letters and move on.

In retrospect this was one of the most important moments in my life. It clearly marked the beginning of the end of my adolescence and the start of maturity, both emotional and spiritual. Had I sent that second letter my life could have taken a frighteningly different course. By the grace of God it turned out differently.

I still occasionally struggle with grandiosity. Part of that is how I'm put together and part of that is the unhealthy influence of my early faith instruction. However it's become less and less prominent as time has flowed on. I'm twice as old now and I recall the incident with embarrassment but also with enlightenment. As I've become more whole, I've sought to develop a healthier faith. It's become important to me to put away childish things.

Falwell's followers

2005-07-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes. I know. It's Wednesday so why am I posting?

Maybe you've read about Jerry Falwell ranting against the Christian Alliance for Progress. If not, it's pretty standard stuff. But the truly enjoyable part for me was reading the comments from his followers. My favorites are:

You are preaching aposticy [sic] Cedar Falls, IA You are preaching aposticy [sic]. You cannot claim Christianity. You are lying to people and even if you gain in this world, you lose eternity which is for everyone who accepts Jesus as the one and only way to redemption. I will pray you find your way for you are truely [sic] lost. What really matters in this world is Jesus and not politics.

Especially when your politics don't agree with the religious right.

Homos [both sic and a sick word] are disgusting Jacksonville, FL You cannot be labled [sic] "Christian" if promote gay rights. Romans 1:26-30 states that homos are the only buncg [sic] that God ever gave up on. Homos are disgusting, God even called them an "Abomination."

Why is it that these people always know how to spell abomination even if they misspell everything else and cannot form a coherent sentence?

I'll stop now. The rest are just as fun. Trust me.

Overheard in Sunday School...

2005-07-17T12:20:00.000-07:00

Sitting in our adult Sunday School class today we were in a discussion of how the Christian is to strive not to be conformed to the world. Suddenly one of the ladies spoke up that all she had been hearing about for the last week was the new Harry Potter book. She remarked that children on the news were lining up to get the newest book. She was upset that there were Christian families that had actually bought Harry Potter books and let their children read them. She ended her commentary with the statement "I wish ministers all across the country would band together and start preaching against this Harry Potter."

Because, you see, it's Harry Potter that is responsible for the downfall of the formerly Christian United States. Not families struggling with divorce, poverty and violence. Not the replacement of true Christian moral authority with Christian political authority. Not any one of a hundred different legitimate worries. Nope it's a bratty English boy with a scar on his forehead. Sadly her attitude is relatively common among conservative Christians (see "Is Harry Potter Harmless?")

How many of the people who get their panties in a bunch about Harry Potter have read the books? I'm not certain but I can guess the number is astoundingly low. If they had, they would read about the bonds of family, the importance of fighting evil, the struggles of growth and maturity and, above all, the need for friendship. Scary stuff indeed.

I suspect most people focus only on the magic in the books and react with a knee-jerk fear. I'll never forget a conversation with a fellow church-goer about going to see The Lord of the Rings movies. He talked about how he wouldn't take his daughter to go see it. "Oh. Well she might be a bit too young" I replied. He looked me in the eye and stated "No. No one in our family will go see them. They have sorcery in them." I informed him that they were fantasy books written by a Christian but the discussion was effectively over at that point.

The sad thing is that the "preaching against this Harry Potter" cements in the secular mind that Christians are pushy, uninformed and more concerned about people being exposed to the wrong things than actually loving and living sacrificially.

And for what it's worth, I liked The Last Temptation of Christ more than The Passion.

Bumper stickers from hell

2005-07-10T18:01:00.000-07:00

It's time for a pet peeve of mine. Ready? It's the dual strike of "Christian" bumper stickers and the fish emblem on cars. I've disliked these for quite awhile but the flames are burning higher recently because I stumbled across this recent offender on a car in front of me at a stop light: "Don't expect a party in hell; it's been cancelled due to fire." Nice huh?

There are several things that bother me about it (besides it's tastelessness and crassness which is a given). First, I'm not sure what the driver is trying to accomplish by displaying this. I suspect they are rationalizing this as some sort of witnessing tool. I guess they hope someone will read it and respond with "Wow. I never quite thought of things like that before. I think he's right. I need to ask God to forgive me for my sins and be born again right away. I'm off to church and if I'm lucky maybe they'll have an altar call."

What I think really happens is people either look at it and respond indifferently ("Heh. That's kinda funny.") or even worse, are offended and pushed away from faith. Jesus told us to "Let your light [not your bumper stickers or your fish emblems] so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your father which is in heaven." The only ones who really enjoy these silly bumper stickers are other Christians.

And I think that is the true purpose behind the bumper stickers and the fish: they serve as a way for Christians to identify each other out in public. It serves the same function as the secret handshake or gang colors - a means of strengthening solidarity.

That said, it is now time for the "Christian" bumper sticker Hall of Shame. Besides the obvious stinker above, these are the ones I found particularly silly and/or offensive.

On Judgment Day, you'll wish your car had Jesus stickers.
Jesus my judge or Jesus my lawyer. It's your choice.
Got Jesus? It's Hell without him.
After the rapture give this car to my mother-in-law.
Too blessed to be depressed.
Go to church. Don't wait for the hearse to take you.
God created Adam & Eve not Adam & Steve.
Born once - die twice. Born twice - die once.

Feel free to email or comment if you have further nominations and I'll add them to a future post. I think I've found the most offensive but I could easily be wrong.

Slippery is the slope

2005-07-04T06:33:00.000-07:00

I am standing firmly on the slippery slope.

Several months ago I gave up the belief that the Bible is inerrant. I had been taught this ever since I was "born again" at age 15 and never questioned it. I was told this was the hallmark of a good Christian: they don't question the inerrancy of Scripture. And I was a good Christian.

What is inerrancy? Dave Miller gives a good description when he states

"Inerrant" means "wholly true" or "without mistake" and refers to the fact that the biblical writers were absolutely errorless, truthful, and trustworthy in all of their affirmations. The doctrine of inerrancy does not confine itself to moral and religious truth alone. Inerrancy extends to statements of fact, whether scientific, historical, or geographical. The biblical writers were preserved from the errors that appear in all other books.

I completely bought into this belief. I wanted the bumper sticker that proclaimed "The Bible said it, I believe it and that settles it." I would argue with people about minute points of contention. I read and re-read Josh McDowell's Evidence That Demands a Verdict. But as I matured as a person and as a Christian I began to harbor secret doubts. I love reading about astronomy and quickly ran into descriptions of how old the universe is. Apparently 6,000 years is not quite enough time. Why were there no dinosaurs mentioned in the Bible? Are gays really deserving of punishment when it appears that is how they were put together in utero? How exactly did Judas die?

I would vacillate back and forth between the inerrant view and my increasing doubts. I was regularly told that "great and grave confusion results from ceasing to maintain the total truth of the Bible whose authority one professes to acknowledge." The reality of my life was that I was already experiencing great and grave confusion from trying to reconcile a literal interpretation of the Bible what I was learning from science and history. Mark Mattison sums up the problem nicely:

Inerrancy as taught in many churches focuses too much attention on the Bible and not enough on what it teaches. It drives commentators to harmonize passages that were never meant to be harmonized, turning literary accounts of faith into wooden historical biographies and homogenizing Scripture in such a way as to overshadow the original authors' individual meanings. Finally, it tends to weaken Christian faith by unnecessarily tying it to an indefensible Bibliology. Every historical detail, no matter how insignificant, becomes as important as the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. If in actual fact Caesar Augustus did not really order a census while Quirinius was governor of Syria - if it turns out there really was only one Gadarene demonaic rather than two - then the entire Bible becomes worthless and every tenet of Christian faith falls flat. If one single discrepancy emerges, it's all over. This makes Christian faith an easy target for skeptics, and drives believers to unimaginable lengths to "defend" the Bible.

I am not prepared to paint my faith into a corner and then have to belligerently defend my territory.

I am now standing firmly on the slippery slope. You know the slippery slope don't you? Once you stop believing that the Bible is free from error it's just a short hop, skip and a jump to pantheism, atheism, secularism, Buddhism, child molesting, murder, rape and hell. Not necessarily in that order. Well so far I'm resisting. And as the details of how to successfully reconcile contradictory geneologies fades from memory I find I enjoy reading the Bible much more now. I can focus on the true messages of Scripture. God loves us so much that he sent his only son to save us. We should love our neighbors as we love ourselves. There is hope and meaning. Amen.

Dobson notices the Christian Alliance for Progress

2005-06-28T13:04:00.000-07:00

Apparently word of the Christian Alliance for Progress finally filtered its way to Dobson's Family News in Focus. In their June 23rd news item "The Christian Left is Getting Organized" they state:

The Christian Alliance for Progress is aligned with the political left and its leaders make it clear the goal is to counteract the strong conservative and pro-life views of most Christian organizations.

"Most Christian organizations"? Perhaps what they truly mean are organizations composed of people only they consider Christians?

And which of the CAFP's six issues do they focus on? Economic justice? Nope. Responsible environmental stewardship? Nyet. Seeking peace? Nada. Equality for gays and lesbians? Nunka. Obviously they'd quote a representative who states:

"I'm not willing to extend rights to a fetus that would trump the rights of a desperate woman," he said. "I don't think our organization is either."

Kudos to Family News in Focus for presenting a typically unbalanced view of the CAFP's agenda in this "news" article. We've come to expect no less from them.

God's blessings?

2005-06-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

I experienced a strange confluence of events between yesterday and today. Last night my wife and I watched HBO's The Girl In The Cafe which is ostensibly a very moving romance but develops into a consciousness-raising piece about world hunger on the eve of the G8 Summit. It started me thinking last night about why I hardly ever hear about hunger in my church. I do hear a lot about the Big Two (homosexuality and abortion) but I could count on one or two fingers the number of times I've heard about hunger as an important issue for Christians. I began asking myself why the Big Two are more important to conservative Christians. I'm still not sure although I do believe I have had a little more light shed after this morning.

Sunday School today developed into a discussion of "God's Blessings". And if you hang around conservative Christians for very long you'll recognize that as code for "material blessings". People were wondering in class why the wicked prosper (materially of course) while some of the most faithful Christians struggle to pay bills. The answer was that while we may not know why the poor are poor we can be sure that it is all part of God's great plan which we can't clearly see right now. I had to stop and catch my breath for a moment, especially in light of the movie I watched last night.

Are we really comfortable saying that God chooses to "bless" some with riches and others with aching, crippling poverty? That this is somehow part of God's plan?

And then it dawned on me. If God truly blesses some with material wealth and leaves others in poverty as part of God's master plan then why would there be any urgency to help the poor and the hungry? It only makes sense. If people are poor because God has chosen not to bless them then who are we to get involved? There's a perfectly good, spiritual reason why they are starving when they go to sleep at night. God has his reasons for this right? After all Matthew 26:11 clearly states "The poor you will always have with you..."

Allow me to say quite clearly that this line of thinking is not only crap but it is so far from Christian it is frightening.

"When did you become a Christian?"

2005-06-19T07:09:00.000-07:00

When did you become a Christian?"

That's a question I've been asked several times in my life. For a long time my answer was very simple: November 13, 1983. I was 15 years-old and went to a Petra concert with some friends. At the end of the concert one of the band members gave the invitation. He talked about God's love for us, our sin, how Jesus died on the Cross for our sins and how we had to receive Him. He led us in the Sinner's Prayer ("all heads bowed and all eyes closed") and asked us to raise our hands if we had accepted Christ. I raised my hand. And for probably two decades that was when I became a Christian. As far as I was concerned the deal was sealed that day. And it was a momentous day - my life definitely took a different turn after the concert. So there's the answer. Case closed.

When did you become a Christian?

I had a friend in high school who believed that you could not become a Christian unless you were baptized by immersion. To him it did not matter that I had prayed the Sinner's Prayer or raised my hand. It did not matter that I had repented and changed the direction my life was going. This got me thinking and reading the Bible on the matter and when I was 19 I asked the minister of the church I was going to if I could be baptized by immersion. I knew that I was saved but I also believed this was the right thing to do. So I was immersed in church in front of the whole congregation including my future wife. If I wasn't a Christian before I certainly was then.

When did you become a Christian?

But actually I had been baptized much, much earlier than that. The church my parents went to believed in baptizing infants. I was presented to the minister by my parents, the congregation was there supporting us and the minister sprinkled water on my little head and baptized me in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Looking back I'm not sure what this meant. Obviously at the time it meant nothing to me but it meant a lot to my parents and to our church. Can I really say that this was ephemeral and unimportant? Is it possible that this set in motion a chain of events that brought me here today, writing this? Did God somehow set a seal on me for the future? I don't know. Some church traditions teach that I became a Christian when I was baptized as an infant. So maybe this is the true answer?

When did you become a Christian?

When I was in 7th grade I began to go through confirmation classes. These lasted two years and basically taught us the Bible, taught us about our church and its history and prepared us to become church members. In 8th grade I was confirmed. We wore white robes, we knelt down in front of the church and our minister prayed over us while he laid his hands on our heads. I can remember shaking and feeling like I could cry at the time. I was 13 years old. At the end of the service I was accepted by the congregation as a member. I got a gold ring from my parents to commemorate the event. I even began to receive offering envelopes since I was now officially a member of the church. Is this when I became a Christian? My parents seemed to think so. Years later when I talked to my mom about being "born again" and how I had become a Christian at age 15 my mom's reply was "But you were already confirmed Paul." In her mind it was all taken care of then. Maybe it was? I have dismissed my confirmation in the past because it was just a silly church tradition. But was it really unimportant?

More to come...

Altar Call

2005-06-12T09:16:00.000-07:00

The church I attend has an altar call. Every Sunday. Without fail. For those of you who are not familiar with an altar call let me paint the picture for you.

Our church is organized with a couple hundred chairs forming three aisles. The three aisles lead up to "The Stairs" which lead up to the stage. On the stage is where the band plays, the singers sings and where our pastor preaches. In every sermon (did I mention every sermon?) our pastor develops his message toward The Invitation. When he gets to The Invitation he walks off the stage, down The Stairs and stands at the bottom, facing the audience. He invites people to come to kneel on The Stairs, pray for salvation, forgiveness, pray for each other, etc. Once he's delivered The Invitation he moves off to the side, the band and singers come back out and sing and people inevitably move toward The Stairs, kneel on them and begin praying.

That's The Invitation - also known as an altar call. I believe the altar call is basically a conservative Christian invention. The mainline liberal church I grew up in never had this. We would probably have called the police if someone had left their pew (we had pews not padded chairs) and came forward in church.

The whole concept of the altar call makes me uneasy. There are several reasons, some Scriptural, some merely my preferences. To get the Scriptural concern out of the way: "altar calls" are not found anywhere in the Bible. They actually appears to be a relatively recent development (late 1700's to early 1800's or so) in church history.

A bigger concern is that the altar call lends itself to impersonal, "numbers-based" evangelism. I talked about this last week so I won't spend any more time on that other than to point out an interesting internet find: a CD actually entitled How To Give Aggressive Altar Calls. I cannot fathom the mindset involved in this. However I may be overreacting because it did receive such glowing praise as "In the first 2 Sundays we had over 70 people walk to the front." "I want to thank you for the CD on the aggressive altar call. I added that to my service a few weeks before Easter this year and I saw instant results." "Like in Major League Baseball, your pitching staff can have eight great innings and still lose the game, because of a terrible 'closer'." No more needs to be said on this matter.

The altar call also is associated in my mind with emotional decison-making. I want to spend some time on the role of emotions in worship at a later date but overall I'm suspicious of attempts to deliberately stir emotions during worship and even more suspicious of attempts to get people to make decisions when their emotions are strong. Case in point: even Britney Spears went forward during an altar call. "The 22-year-old singer and her mother hugged one another and cried 'as they got caught up in the highly charged ceremony,' the paper reported."

Finally, one of my major concerns about the altar call is how it apparently has to happen at the end of every sermon. This forces ministers to funnel their message toward the same ending every time. Every sermon ultimately leads up to a discussion of salvation and the need for Christ. This is not a bad thing but for every sermon? It seems not only unnecessary but also unhealthy.

Shouldn't sermons address the needs of mature, growing Christians and not just the unchurched or the recently-churched? It's been over 20 years since I "received Christ" and while I daily marvel at the wonders of God's salvation I'm also ready to hear about deeper matters in church. I know other Christians also want to grow in their faith and I assume pastors have the spiritual maturity to lead us deeper and farther in our journey. Why aren't more sermons meeting this need?

I am sometimes ashamed

2005-06-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

Today's sermon was on Romans 1:16 which features the apostle Paul's famous statement "I am not ashamed of the gospel". In the sermon, our pastor (we'll call him PJ) used the text to make some points about witnessing to non-Christians. PJ made the statement today that when Christians are out "among nonbelievers" it should be with a "strategic purpose" - to influence them for Christ. This hit a very sour note as witnessing has always been an issue for me that is fraught with ambivalence and bad experiences.

I can remember being a teenager around 16 or 17 and at that time I was going to a mainline Protestant Church on Sundays and the rest of the time I was listening to conservative Christian radio, reading conservative Christian books and pamphlets and attending a conservative Christian Bible study. I became convicted that I wasn't doing enough to save the lost. To my adolescent, egocentric mind, there were hordes of unsaved people around me and I was their One True Hope. I would drive out to the mall or to a department store, usually with tracts in hand, and begin to observe people passing me by. I was trying to muster up the courage to say something, say anything that might save these poor people. I remember one lady in particular looked right at me and I knew that she was the One. The person I was sent to save that night. And yet I couldn't say anything to her. I just smiled nervously and she walked on by me. I went home humiliated, ashamed and convicted that I'd basically sent this woman to hell due to my lack of boldness. And yet, I didn't really want to get to know this woman - to meet her, spend time with her, involve myself. I just wanted to witness to her.

In college I had the interesting experience of being involved with Campus Crusade for Christ for awhile. This organization was focused on witnessing and evangelism. We'd set up tables outside the cafeteria and have people sign up for something innocuous then we'd "call on them" later in groups of two and proselytize, usually in their dorm room. The conversation was always directed, driven, manipulated so we could present to them the Four Spiritual Laws and lead them to the Sinner's Prayer. I met a lot of people that year but I didn't really "meet" anyone personally. They were the spiritual equivalent of enemies stenciled on the side of the Red Baron's airplane.

The sad thing is how far divorced this was from how Christ influenced others. Nowhere in the Bible do we read of Christ handing out tracts or manipulating others in a salesman-like fashion. He was generally interested and involved in people's lives.

The number one complaint I hear about Christians is hypocrisy. The number two complaint is Christians "hitting someone over the head with the Bible" or "shoving their faith down someone's throat." So I cringe when I hear PJ preaching today about the need to not be ashamed of the Gospel, to be bold, to have a "strategic purpose" when interacting with non-Christians. I cringe because there might have been a non-Christian in the audience today. If it were me I would be hesitant about coming back. I cringe because conservative Christianity apparently hasn't moved beyond the "score kills for Christ" mentality. My Sunday school teacher handed out laminated cards today on how to witness. The first section was entitled "The Opening" and the last section was entitled "The Close". Those could have been found on any used car salesman's training manual.

So am I ashamed of the Gospel? Together with the apostle Paul I can say that I am not. I'm mature enough as a person and as a Christian that I don't shy away from acknowledging my faith to others. I'm pleased to tell them about my faith if they want to know. But I am sometimes ashamed of Christians. I'm ashamed at times because I know there are stereotypes that come with being a Christian in our society. Bible-thumping stereotypes. Impersonal, aggressive evangelism stereotypes. And increasingly, stereotypes that we Christians are grasping for more and more political power. I can't blame some non-Christians for wanting little to do with us. We need to seriously rethink our relationship to nonbelievers.

Christ's example of loving servanthood and living sacrificially might be a good place to start.

Kind words

2005-06-01T18:11:00.001-07:00

Recently I have been fortunate enough to have some kind words mentioned about my Humble Blog. Ken at PopeHat gave me a nice write up in his blog. Ken posts frequently at Octopus Overlords in addition to PopeHat and appears to be a generally nice guy for an attorney! Thanks for the kind words!

I was also very fortunate to have Bob at I am a Christian Too write some nice things about me. I found I am a Christian Too one night and read through most of his posts in one sitting. I'd finally found someone struggling with similar dissatisfactions and aspirations. I began my Disambiguation blog later that night. And that's a good thing because if you were one of the two people who read my original blog you would have been treated to seven posts over seven months about my desire to lose weight while gorging myself on Klondike Bars. So thanks to Bob for the kick in the right direction. And I still love me some Klondike Bars.

"It's a mystery! Now shut up!"

2005-05-30T18:00:00.000-07:00

God is a mystery. This seems to be a central truth of our faith. There are and always will be limits to our knowledge and experience of God. God is bigger than our denominations, dogmas, doctrines, bigger even than the Bible. I love The Orthodox Way by Father Kallistos Ware because he always seems to sum things up nicely:

A God, that is to say, whom we claim to understand exhaustively through the resources of our reasoning brain turns out to be no more than an idol, fashioned in our own image. Such a "God" is most emphatically not the true and living God of the Bible and the Church. Man is made in God's image, but the reverse is not true.

Are we comfortable with the mystery of God? Do we embrace God as a mystery? Or do we subtly and not-so-subtly reduce God to a bite-sized portion? I'm amused at Christians who read the Bible and presume a complete understanding of God. This smacks of bibliolatry (which I'll talk about in the future sometime). The Bible does reveal God to us but only in part, limited by the medium of the written word but especially limited by our humanness, our finiteness.

A Bible study I attend at church is very focused on studying the book of Romans. We've worked on Romans for two years and are only halfway through the book. We dissect and analyze a verse or three a week. At times we get to "difficult passages" as they are called. Predestination vs. freewill. Eternal vs. conditional salvation. As we try to discern what the Scripture says people do backflips and contort wildly to make the Scriptures fit their particular view. Everyone has passages that support their view and passages they ignore because they seem contradictory.

I don't feel the need to do this. I accept that the Bible is a limited document. It can never tell us all we want to know about God. It may not even tell us all we need to know. I let Scripture serve as a roadsign, pointing me toward the greater mystery that is God. I can rest confidently in that. I don't have to understand everything. When I try to force life to fit into neatly organized categories I run the very great risk of limiting God. Father Ware again:

We see that it is not the task of Christianity to provide easy answers to every question, but to make us progressively aware of a mystery.

When we reach for the easy answers, the clear-cut dogma, we insulate ourselves from the awe-inspiring wonder of God. One of the reasons I worship is because God is mystery. I am small, limited, human. What else can I do but worship?

I had a philosophy professor in college who used to make fun of Christians. He'd talk about apparent contradictions and inconsistencies in our faith and would then paraphrase the Christian response as "It's a mystery! Now shut up!" I know he was against the anti-intellectual trends we find among Christians at times. But the reality is that we can never understand reality. Things happen and we don't have explanations. God is inscrutable and the farther we travel on this path the thicker the darkness becomes. Does it make sense to me? Not always. Embrace our limits. Praise God.

Christian Alliance for Progress

2005-05-24T04:50:00.000-07:00

Thanks to I Am A Christian Too for the following link to the Christian Alliance For Progress. This is a very interesting site and I'd encourage everyone to check it out. I particularly like The Jacksonville Declaration:

To The Political and Church Leaders of the Religious Right:

As responsible and patriotic Americans, we can be silent no longer. In light of the deepening polarization in our country's social and political life, we feel compelled to speak out to you in a spirit of sincerity.

For many people, your words and actions have identified Christianity with radical, far right politics. We believe that your use of Christianity has sown the seeds of deep discord in our nation and throughout the world. Hear some of your own words:

"You owe liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ."
-- Church Leader Bob Jones, to George W. Bush after 2004 election

"I hope the Supreme Court will finally read the Constitution and see there's no such thing, or no mention, of separation of church and state in the Constitution."
-- House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas)

"Our job is to reclaim America for Christ, whatever the cost. As the vice regents of God, we are to exercise godly dominion and influence…in short, over every aspect and institution of human society."
-- Dr. D. James Kennedy, Coral Ridge Ministries

"…the liberal, anti-Christian dogma of the left has been repudiated…"
-- Tony Perkins, Family Research Council

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians … the ACLU, People For the American Way … I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen'."
-- Rev. Jerry Falwell, on Pat Robertson's 700 Club discussing the WTC attacks

We must tell you now that you do not speak for us, or for our politics. We say "No" to the ways you are using the name and language of Christianity to advance what we see as extremist political goals. We do not support your agenda to erode the separation of church and state, to blur the vital distinction between your interpretation of Christianity and our shared democratic institutions. Moreover, we do not accept what seems to be your understanding of Christian values. We reject a Christianity co-opted by any government and used as a tool to ostracize, to subjugate, or to condone bigotry, greed and injustice.

If your politics flow from your faith, then we do not know the Jesus you claim to follow. We cannot imagine a Jesus who would say:

"You are strong and powerful; your ideals are noble. Make war to spread those ideals."
"The end is near - So it doesn't matter what you do to my Father's creation."
"Heal the sick - Provided they can pay."
"All are welcome at the table - As long as they are the same as we are."
"Follow me - And help me form a government to force others to follow."

Do you believe such statements truly reflect Christian or American values? Do these views follow what Jesus taught? Do you think it is genuinely American to steer our country toward a Christian theocracy? Is it Christian to foster intolerance? Is this the path to which Jesus leads us?

We say "No". Instead, we say "Yes" to values Jesus plainly and passionately practiced. Listen to his words:

"I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
-- John 13:34-35

We hold up to all fellow Americans the heart of Jesus' teaching: his unwavering commitment to justice, compassion, responsibility, equality, and care "for the least of these". These are values Jesus taught, and they also serve among America's finest traditional values. Our political views flow from these values.

We also reaffirm a well-established American commitment to a clear separation of church and state. In your statements you often characterize America as a "Christian nation". We strongly disagree. As a nation of immigrants, America has been a land of freedom and diversity. Separation of church and state helps ensure liberty and justice for all Americans - not just those who are like-minded. Hear these words:

"The church must be reminded that it is not the master or the servant of the state, but rather the conscience of the state."
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Know that you do not speak for us. We oppose so many of your words and deeds. But though we may disagree with you, we offer this declaration in a spirit of openness. We hope you will respond in kind. We call on you to stop dividing our country with your words and actions, and we invite you to turn to compassion and justice, values that Jesus lived.

In Truth and Faith,
Christian Alliance for Progress

They have my signature.

Promise Keepers

2005-05-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

My church is conducting sign-ups for Promise Keepers. If you are not familiar with PK you can read more about them here at Religoustolerance.org. They do a pretty fair job of describing PK and its pros and cons. I've been to PK once, back in 1993 which was pretty close to when it started. It was a strange experience and a bit overwhelming. At that time there were about 40-50,000 men at a stadium in Boulder, CO. I remember the entire stadium full of men singing, praying, worshipping. James Dobson spoke. At the time I enjoyed the whole experience but that faded eventually.

I remember coming home and telling my wife "I'm ready to be the spiritual leader of our family now." I don't think I even knew what that meant but it was a phrase I'd heard so much during the PK event that it had worked its way into my head. I'm still not sure what "spiritual leadership" means. Whatever it is, I soon realized that it was something that I'd rather share. I think my wife and I do a good job now of guiding our family spiritually. It hasn't required any sort of unilateral coup on my part.

There's a mob mentality at our church with PK. Last year there was definite pressure from the other men in the church and from the elders (who are men of course) to sign up and go to PK. I was actually signed up to go but work prevented me from going. Our church plays MTV style videos for PK during the service showing chanting, singing men and encouraging men to sign up. They encourage wives to encourage their husbands to sign up. I've heard women request prayers for their husbands to go to PK.

I think the large numbers are one of the reasons I feel uneasy about going. People will often agree to things and do things in large crowds that they might not when alone or with a small group of people. I'm leery of Dobson now. I don't know if he is still involved but I wouldn't be surprised. I remember one of the main speakers in '93 talking about raising hands during worship and left with the impression that this was necessary to truly worship God. I'm still not sure what this whole "spiritual leadership" idea is. It makes me nervous.

On the other hand, if I do go I'm sure to have lots of material for my blog. Right now I'm leaning toward not going but we'll see how I resist the pressure. More to come...

Our worship leader is a fascist dictator!

2005-05-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

This profound thought occurred to me as I was in church today. We were singing the usual assortment of praise songs when the guest worship leader began barking orders. It was pretty strange. We were singing along when he belted out between lines "Sing this one to the Father!" Which I thought was odd. Who else did he think we were singing to? One other time he shouted "Worship God in your hearts!" Right-o!

He also had this odd habit of shouting out the lines in advance that we were supposed to be singing. Which might be helpful if we were sitting around a campfire in the woods but we have a giant projection screen hanging over the stage like The Mothership with the lines already on it. It was very distracting. As I've said, I know most of the lines so I close my eyes and try to focus on worship but it was difficult today.

I'm not sure what was going on with him. What would motivate somebody to micromanage worship to such a degree that it actually becomes a frustrating experience? Why would he make the assumption that God's people would need someone to do that?

I'm reminded of the church I grew up in. The choir (choir? don't you mean praise team?) had a loft in the back of the church, well out of sight. Not on the stage in front of everyone. There was a choir director, a nice older man. You hardly ever saw him. You hardly ever saw any of them. They just sang. And other times the congregation would sing. No one got in the way of worship. I took it for granted then but I miss it now.

Holy Hands

2005-05-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

Interesting experience in church today. During the singing parts of the service I generally close my eyes. I've done this for the better part of the year. There are several reasons I do it. The biggest is I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be looking at when I'm singing. I know the words to the songs so I don't need to read them on the big projected screen. Right above the lyrics is a video of the song leader or one of the other singers. I really don't want to be watching them either. I could watch the stage but that also seems weird. In the past I've taken to watching the other members of the audience. But that was also quite distracting. So I close my eyes and sing.

Today we were singing a song and the lyrics went:

so we raise up holy hands
to praise the holy one

and I had to open my eyes at that point. Of course at that point probably 20% of the congregation did indeed have one or both hands raised up with their palms facing forward toward the stage and the band or else up toward the ceiling. There was something about seeing that, and the phrase holy hands from the song that gave me pause.

I know the phrase comes from Scripture. The actual verse is 1 Timothy 2:8 which states (in context in the NIV):

⁷And for this purpose I was appointed a herald and an apostle - I am telling the truth, I am not lying - and a teacher of the true faith to the Gentiles.

⁸I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing.

⁹I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes...

I just think the phrase is odd. I decided to look up the word holy on Merriam-Webster Online to see what it says. They give several definitions:

1 : exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness

Are our hands worthy of complete devotion? Heh. You should see the crap that gets under my nails. No worshipping happening here.

2 : Divine

Um... no.

3 : devoted entirely to the deity or the work of the deity

Well.... this may be in the realm of possibility. On second thought - no. I'd love to think my hands are devoted entirely to God and to God's work but I'm doubtful. Best to err on the side of caution. No holy hands by this definition.

4 : having a divine quality or venerated as or as if sacred

Divine hands? Venerated, sacred hands? I dunno....

Now part of this is from me being raised in a very stodgy, mainline Protestant denomination. No one would dare to raise their hands during a song. Heck we didn't even have songs - we had hymns. So take my background into consideration but I'm not convinced raising my hands during worship is for me. I couldn't do it without being self-conscious. I don't want to question others' motives but I hope they are doing it sincerely. The verse in question actually talks about raising hands during prayer not during singing. Why don't people raise their hands in prayer then?

It seems to me that it could be emotionally-driven. I think our emotions have their place and they were certainly created by God. But I've seen firsthand that our emotions are not always an accurate reflection of reality. I can feel like someone is indifferent to or even hates me. That may be the truth but it could just as easily be inaccurate. I don't want my emotions leading they way when it comes to prayer and worship.

Ever-stranger in a strange land

2005-05-03T22:03:00.000-07:00

I and my church are not a good fit. We've been attending a large, evangelical/fundamentalist Christian church since we moved to town. It seemed to be the right place at first. It had scads of people attending: young, old, white, black. It was "upbeat" and energetic. The pastor was charismatic, humorous and very bright. He could communicate flawlessly and he passed the Insomnia Test and kept me awake through his sermons week after week. They had an active children's ministry that our kids actually enjoyed and wanted to attend. We had struck gold.

It is a very conservative church. While there are certainly more conservative churches out there, some even in our town, it does fall on the far right both theologically as well as politically. Wednesday evening pastoral Bible studies would divert occasionally into anti-evolution lectures. People would talk in Sunday School about how America had to support Israel because God would abandon America if we ever abandoned Israel. The Bible does not contain the word of God. The Bible is the word of God. Stuff like that.

I've grown restless in this church. My thoughts on faith have been changing lately. I certainly no longer identify myself as a fundamentalist and, for that matter, evangelical doesn't seem to fit either. Yet we will likely stay at this church for the forseeable future because a) it has a good children's program, b) my wife and I have made many friends there, and c) people there really do appear to want to draw closer to God and learn more about God.

So what happens to me? I'm not sure. I suspect I will be sorting out my thoughts on this and other matters and see what shakes loose.

A blog

2005-05-01T15:31:00.000-07:00

Disambiguation is one of my new favorite words. It's blatantly stolen from Wikipedia which states

Disambiguation in Wikipedia and Wikimedia is the process of resolving ambiguity meaning the conflicts that occur when articles about two or more different topics have the same "natural" title.

I love that idea. Resolving ambiguity sounds noble. Especially in matters of faith. And that is the general intent of this blog - to attempt to resolve ambiguity. This is primarily for my own benefit as I continually sort out what I do and don't believe. You may benefit from my thought broadcasting - you may not. And sometimes ambiguity can not be resolved. Then it must be embraced. And perhaps even celebrated. I'm prepared to go there as well.